As human beings we strive to be revered. Even as I'm writing this now, I have a vague hope that someone will appreciate it and inform me, so it seems like my effort was not in vain. Most endeavours people partake in are done with the assumption that someone will acknowledge them; mothers cleaning the house; fathers labouring at work everyday for a half decent pay; children completing their homework on time- sure, these things all have a face value meaning to them, cleanliness, monetary gain, obedience, but all of them are done with the wish that someone, usually someone with a personal significance to the individual, will give them kudos, gratitude, appreciation, acceptance.
It could be said that I have a bit of a complex relating to this particular issue. Sure, I'm lazy, I don't really do anything to warrant any sort of gratitude or appreciation, but when I think I deserve it, I really think i deserve it. If I don't recieve the required amount of applause for my efforts, then I become disheartened. I don't feel like doing anything again. If people don't love what I do, fuck 'em. I don't need their thanks, I don't need their applause, their appreciation or kudos.
But I do. I thrive on it, it's the only thing that really makes me want to do anything. I live on the hope that someone will appreciate me. Do not mistake this for insecurity. Insecurity would be being unsure that what you've done is great. I know what I've done is great, I just need other people to realise it. Why can they not just realise it? Is it so hard to see that what I'm doing is special? Are these cretins so blind, that they cannot bear the shimmering gold that is before them? I lose faith in humanity when humanity loses faith in me.
It's a vicious, vicious cycle.
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